Email spam is a way of the world these days. At least 30% of my inbox represents solicitations and suggestions from people looking to help me increase my penis size, melt away unwanted pounds sans lifting a weight and sell me discounted Propecia and Prozac. I really hope that no market research was done to determine that my email address would be a good place to drop off some spam. If so, I am apparently a small penised, balding man who could stand to shed some weight. No wonder Prozac is being suggested to me.
Usually I don’t read through my spam mail. Click. Delete. Yes, I am sure I want to delete it. But today is really slow. Forty-eight percent of the workforce took the entire week off and the other forty-eight percent took today off to extend the holiday weekend. That leaves exactly three people in my office. We keep to ourselves, pretending to be working while instead perusing the net for entertainment. I am still sorting through my inbox.
When I stumbled across an email touting the Body Bouncer as “The biggest new toy since the vibrator,” I stopped short of deleting and stared in wonderment. It wasn’t the claim of being better than a battery operated toy that sent me pondering the concept. I know that is a fallacy. It was the drawings that dotted the email that had me curious. The styling of the Body Bouncer is pretty much lazy woman on top with well hung man beneath. She sits on a hammock like stool with a hole in the middle and he lies below, his enormous pecker aiming up.
I consider myself rather open minded in the bedroom, although the back door is still an exit only. Any man who wishes to challenge me on this perspective is more than welcome to personally experience it as an entry door first to prove me wrong. That has always worked like a charm to squelch further debate or negotiating. Other than the backdoor, I am pretty much willing to consider all requests.
When images of the Body Bouncer started loading, it was hard not to break into hysterics. Is woman on top so torturous for the man that he needs to have her suspended above, thereby relieving him of her weight? Are there any men out there who are so well hung that they need an additional six inches of space before nearing mere penetration? And if so, I can be reached at 215-555-7979. I am not sure if I’d be up for an encounter but I’d sure be interested in seeing your Ripley’s Believe It Or Not manhood.
I am a strong advocate of toys in the bedroom. I know of many women who have been sexually liberated once they were able to go from zero to “Oh” with the help of a toy. I won’t name names but you know who you are, ladies. But has the bedroom become a place of laziness? Is sex better when you barely touch your partner?
I clicked delete and confirmed my desire to do away with the Body Bouncer. I think I’ll stick to the old fashioned bedroom toys. Unless, of course, the Body Bouncer would help me further tone my abs, thighs and buttocks. Those silly advertisers. If they had only thought to promote the product as a sex toy with a weight loss benefit! You’d see women around the world agreeing to buy one. Heck, even QVC would probably promote it as the Item of the Day. Tack on a free set of weights and you just might have a top seller. Look out Gazelle!