I've spent the better part of 2015 at work wiping mud off my rose colored glasses. The excitement of December's launch quickly deteriorated this spring. Nothing has gone right and most people are deflated, leaving, or both. I'm repeatedly having to buffer my team from negativity and rumors of downsizing. Reality set in two Fridays ago when my director announced he was moving to another franchise.
"The ship is going down," I said to Leslie as we strolled the flooring aisle of Home Depot later that night.
"Hasn't it been going down for months?"
"I don't think I have any fight left."
"I think you need a churro from Costco."
Saturday I ran errands, dined at a new eatery with friends, drank cocktails. Sunday I opened my most recent resume and got down to business updating that sucker. Then, Monday, I had my one-on-one with my manager.
"You know, we never talked about what your nest step is professionally," she said when we finished reviewing my glowing 360 Peer Review.
"Yeah, I sidelined marketing because I'm pretty sure I'll end up stabbing someone."
"Right, and I totally support your decision there. Just think about it."
More like stress about it. First my director leaves the team and then my manager asks me about my career goals. Good thing I hit the road Wednesday night for a few days at the beach. Though I brought my laptop and a printed out draft of my resume, none of it left my tote. White sand, aquamarine water, and morning mimosas are apparently a solid distraction from work stress.
Last night I got home and this morning I loaded job postings at my company. To be honest, I was looking to see if my director's position was posted. It wasn't. But thanks to my in depth search, I stumbled across an opportunity that got me excited. A job I wouldn't have expected to see but one I couldn't help but want. I immediately texted four people who know my situation, three of whom I work with.
Every single one loved the idea. Every individual highlighted why I'd be so great for the role. And two of them told me they know the hiring manager and they'll back me 100%.
There are many more steps to this process. I have to tighten my resume so applicable skills shine. I have to inform my manager of my decision to throw my hat in the ring for a job that, if I get it, will leave a vacancy on her team. And I have to study the heck out of the Multiple Sclerosis pipeline. Yes, this opportunity is not only meaningful professionally but personally.
At noon I took a break from work to get coffee. As I pulled out of my complex, Fight Song came on. It's poppy and teenager-angsty and summed up my sudden sense of excitement to fight for this job. For the first time in months, I was alive. So I cranked the volume as far as my hybrid Camry would go, threw my fists in the air and screamed the lyrics. I also clipped a curb, but I kept on singing. Turns out I've still got a lot of fight left in me.